&Follow SJoin OnSugar

40 and Fabulous

Embracing Life

Happy Birthday My Love!!!!

March 25, 2015

You simply amaze me! You are worth staying and fighting for!!! And you are a Conqueror!!!! I love you more than words can explain!!! Have an AWESOME BIRTHDAY!!!

Directions Please

June 04, 2014


Okay Lord my head hurts and my heart aches because at this moment in time as your child I have no clue which way to go, right or left.  There are things that I have no control over and that makes me nervous and unsure of what is to come. I know that you do not give your children more than they can bear and this right now is probably insignificant and small but in your word you said that "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26 NIV. So as I am struggling to place my life completely in your hands, help me to remember all that you have done in the past and to recall your promises that do not fade or change. That if nothing in my life is constant you are.

My Biggest Fear

November 07, 2013
I have a bigger fear that one day I'll become you, scared tears from nightmares that someday that dream will come true, when my time comes I pray the sky is still blue, even though you taught me nothin, you taught me somethin, you taught me to get a wife first, having kids earlier can have your life cursed, baby momma drama is too much stress, it'll have your pipe burst, feelin like Santa going to every momma house dropping off diapers, you taught me to pick the girl that's right, the one I'll spend my life with, not the arguing, splitting up, and hurting our kids type ish, to never put my hands on a woman, never cheat or lie, I never want to intentionally see her cry, you taught me to treat my son like a prince that's gonna be king, to treat my daughter like a princess that's gonna be queen, to encourage them and lift them up, cause anything can affect their self esteem, to show them that life isn't all about material things, that happiness is the key to life, that Jesus Christ is our savior, that we need to please Him right, Ima teach them to ride a bike, and read and write, you taught me that I need to stop this cycle, this curse that's been striving for my blood since my great grandads birth, the farther it gets passed down its only gonna get worse, my great grandad wasn't nothin to grandpa, grandpa wasn't nothin to you, and you wasn't ish to me, putting an end to this recurring history, from my kids I don't wanna feel the empathy, this pain will be over when the fat lady sings, I think I see big momma in the symphony, you taught me how weed can affect you, red eyes in a daze, acting wild in front of your child, didn't settle down for days, how going to church is important, missing out, sitting on the couch watchin wheel of fortune, you taught me to stay away from these streets, sellin drugs Rollin weed ain't successful to me, to put the gun down, and put my fist up, to not kill and that I got the gist of, to not go to jail, body in the room, hands reach outside of the cell, no call or collect when I call it'll be from my cell, you taught me that I never wanna see my kids through that glass, like how you saw me, hand to hand on opposite sides of the glass, having flashbacks, the guard said it was time to say goodbyes and than I turned for that last look back, man that took somethin out of me, memories feel like they're in the present, going back in time like adventures in odyssey, years ago I tried to be strong, told myself that I gotta be, you taught me how to be a man, the one that you weren't, to be the best dad and husband to my wife and kids, speaking from my experiences it's sad but the truth hurts, but thanks for nothin, actually thanks for somethin, I pledge to never be like you, hand over my heart that's a pledge I'll recite to, you taught me a lesson, it's a curse and a blessing.</p> <p>Author - James "Jaycee" Carter  

Prayer for November 7, 2013

November 07, 2013

Dear Heavenly Father,

Lord thank you for sustaining me and keeping me in your arms. Lord let me be a blessing to all those I come in contact with today and every day. I want to be a living reflection of your love, grace and mercy. Lord bless me to be a woman of my word, that I will be trust worthy and consistent. Lord Help me That I will be an example of a Proverbs 31.  Lord help me to speak with Love, grant me wisdom and understanding to speak words that will uplift, encourage and edify.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Double Standard

September 16, 2013

Growing up as a Pastors kid you learned at an early age to not broadcast your flaws because the scrutiny you were under. You saw how people were hard on your dad and mom, so you didn't want to bring anything else on them to cause them more problems with the church folk. So you kept your flaws under wraps.

So it was odd for me when I met my husband who was so transparent about his past , issues and flaws. I can tell you although it scared me, it was also a breath of fresh air. Here was this man who allowed himself to be vulnerable to his fellow Christians. He open himself up to support, ridicule and scrutiny. This is not easy!! I admire my husband and I have to say I am kind of jealous. It's one of the strengths of his ministry, especially among the youth who are looking to relate their lives with those in the church. Trying to find their place where they belong amongst the "Christians".

The flip side tends to be people see him as the sinner and me as the saint. I get so upset because I don't think people realize what they do. I have flaws, sins that they just may not see, refuse to see, or make excuses for me.

My husband shoulders the majority of this burden and he does it as a true Christian man. He truly protects me as much as possible from the meanies in the world. And I am eternally thankful!!!

Many times we focus on the sins that we can see and ignore the sins or flaws of people we can't see with just a glance. In the church there are ups and downs. We single out those who cause problems in the church as the trouble makers, and once you are labeled as such it is almost impossible to be seen as anything else. But we know that everyone is a sinner saved by grace and we know that one sin is not greater than the other. You may not know the awfulness of the sin of the one you sit in the pew with every Sabbath but it doesn't mean they are perfect. We have to be careful not to put any human being on a pedestal because they are simply a human being.

I am blessed beyond imagination with a man who truly loves The Lord and has taught me unconditional love. Loving me through me total utter messes and ugliness without putting me on blast. I have learned the meaning of 1 Cor 13 from him and I am so ever grateful!

Let Go - Flame

June 17, 2013
</p> <p>"Let Go"
(feat. DecembeRadio)
I know a place where we'll cry
But He'll wipe the tears from our eyes
All our fears will be alright
Because all in Him are alive
Oh and I
I know a place when you reach the end of the road
You can't carry the weight on your own
Jesus will lift the weight from your soul
Let go</p>

Look at His accomplishments and perfect sacrifice
To appease God's wrath to worship Him is right
There is no other way they all lied
God sent the son and His son died
Put your idols to the fire let em burn
Christ resurrected and He will return
God wrote the story put Himself in it
Now you and Him can meet it's the way that He intended
So if you looking for a place that can take away the hurting
Looking for a place before your sins erase your verses

Looking for a place where the freedom is for certain
Looking for escape cause the enemy is lurking
Should you join another church and maybe you're sick and tired of searching
Cause it seems like nothing is working
I'm here to tell you that the place is in a person

I know a place where we'll cry
But He'll wipe the tears from our eyes
All our fears will be alright
Because all in Him are alive
Oh and I

Jesus Son of God the Father confirmed at 
His baptism I'm praying that you turn
You can have a brand new position in Christ forgiven
He is everything you need love joy hope peace
Come rest in Him let go Amen

I know a place where we'll cry
But He'll wipe the tears from our eyes
All our fears will be alright
Because all in Him are alive
Oh and I
I know a place when you reach the end of the road
You can't carry the weight on your own
Jesus will lift the weight from your soul
Let go

I'm letting go
Letting go
Letting go
I'm letting go

He's on the throne
On the throne
On the throne
He's on the throne

Let go


Keep Fighting

June 12, 2013
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4Ls8ZfeBmHA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5 NLT


"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. 15You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 16You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139: 13-16

<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">

June 12, 2007 I still remember it like it was yesterday. I don't think I had ever been so distraught,as I was that day. I was so full of guilt and anxiety. I felt the enormity of my sins and like David "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me." Psalms 51:3 NIV  I was in the middle of a huge body of water and I was drowning. No one was beating me over my head for my faults and wrongdoings but I felt like it. I knew that "the wages of sin is death" Romans 6:23 and I couldn't at the time wrap around my head that I was truly forgiven. I knew in that space in time that my family would be better off without me, or at least I believed that to be my truth. 

I had been struggling with depression for many years before 2007. High School was a very dark period in my life and I found myself self-medicating. I was a Pastor's daughter, straight A student, but I had issues that I never dealt with before that were pulling me down into a deep pit. That is what it felt like, as if I was going into a deep pit! And I didn't know in high school how to ask for help, what teenager really does?  So that history of depression along with the enormity of my guilt was too much for me to bear. 

I am very much a perfectionist and I am very hard on myself. My goal has and is to this day to be that Proverbs 31 woman. Especially "Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass tham all!" Verse 28 & 29 NLT And in my heart and mine I had failed miserably. My filing for divorce and wilding out had caused so much pain to my husband and kids. God restored the family but I had not forgiven myself. God promised that "<span>But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1 John 1:9 NLT  My family had forgiven me but I felt like I was no longer worthy. I had not forgiven myself. 

</span>I will never forget the moment I decided that was it, I was going to do everybody a HUGE favor and make everything right. I was going to sacrafice seeing my children grow up, growing old with my husband and all my dreams. I remember calling my husband and telling him I was going to lay down for a moment, that I was sorry for everything and that I will do whatever it takes to make it right! My children were downstairs and I took every pill that I could get my hands on, prescription and non-prescription. The next thing I know is I am in an ambulance throwing up and then I went back out. I woke up in the hospital with my husband and his best friend sitting by my bed. I was so confused!! I was suppose to be gone, how was I going to help my husband and children now! I was still here. The next week I spent in the Psych ward at Providence Hospital and I began to understand that suicide was not the way out! The only thing was that I didn't understand why God kept me here on this earth when so many others have succeed where I failed. 

I question God for a long long time and truly it wasn't until the last two years, that I began to understand that God has a purpose for my life!  A purpose that only I can fulfill! He has a calling upon my life and I can't fulfill it if I am not alive to do so. The many times a former student comes up to me and gives me a hug. The addition of my oldest son into our family! The young ladies that have wiggle their way into my heart, Stitch, Bunny, Sugar Lump, Tink and Lucy!  My children when they come up to me out of the blue and hug me! My husband when its that one on one time!  My friends who pray with me. My life is amazing and I just wanted to praise God for allowing me to see this day! It wasn't in my plans back in 2007 but like the scripture states, "Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed" Psalm 139:16 

I still struggle with bouts of depression. I handle it day by day. I wonder if it will ever go completely away.. but "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.<span> Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV  So I keep fighting by relying on God for strength because within myself is none without Him!



God's Love Reciprocated

June 10, 2013

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes<span><span> in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3: 16 NIV  What an awesome show of love for humans who would hate Him, despise Him, reject Him and do all manner of things against Him.  Yet in still He loved us so much despite our filthiness that He sent His son down to earth so that we could be saved, if we choose to accept it.  

What are we doing to reciprocate that love? So many times we find ourselves in situations where we are hurt and rejected by those we love the most. And instead of doing what Jesus did we turn our back and walk away from those who need us most. We tend to forget that we wrestle not against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). And so we react to situations, in our human mind frame, as if this person is directly trying to injure us. Not understanding that we are in a real warfare and that this is not our battle! In other words, this is NOT about us!  We are soldiers and there are causalities in war. 

So my challenge to you today is to love as Christ has loved you. When you are in doubt if an individual is worthy of your forgiveness, think on what God has forgiven you for. Many of us have secret sins that no one will ever see but us and God, don't be quick to condemn those who have sinned openly. Love, love, and then love some more.    

 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36 -40 NIV

I Will Make It Over

May 10, 2013
I Will Make It Over
Unless you have been in my shoes there is not too much you can say to me! That's the problem people are scared to share their testimony of how they made it over! When I make it I over I will gladly tell my story of how I made it over!! So others don't have to struggle like I am! Because I WILL make it over!!!

Lord Help Me To Hold Out!

April 12, 2013

Luke 17:5-6
King James Version (KJV)
5 And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith.

6 And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamore tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.

Psalm 37:8
New King James Version (NKJV)

8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm.

Lamentations 3:25
New King James Version (NKJV)

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.

Isaiah 40:31
New King James Version (NKJV)

31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
Dear Heavenly Father,

The trials of life are tempting to weigh me down and to lose my hope and faith. Lord Hold back the winds of strife and strengthen me. Lord allow me to hold out until my change comes. Endow me with your Holy Spirit and empower me to do your will not mine. This is my prayer Lord, as your servant to do thy will and to go where you would have me to go, to do what you would have me to do.

Thank you for your love and mercy! Thank you for your power. I claim the promise of Isaiah 40:31 and I plead the blood of the Lamb.

In Jesus Name Amen!

The Song by James Cleveland Rings in my hear

Lord, help me to hold out (3X)
Until my change come
I believe we ought to say that one more time
Lord help me to hold out , please Lord wont you help me
I begging you Lord please Jesus Help Me to Hold out
Until my Until My change come,

Verse 1:
My way may not easy
You did not say that it would be
But when it gets dark
I can't see my way
You told me to put my trust in Thee
That's why I'm asking you
Lord Jesus Lord Jesus Help me to Hold out I am just
about to make it over I need a little help the
Devil tryn to stop me

Verse 2:
Lord I need you to help me to hold out
though the mountain tops to high
I need you to help me to hold out
Give me the patience I need to hold out
Thank you Jesus---Until my change come


Lord help me to hold out
I believe I can hold out
Hold out
Lord Jesus Help Me to hold out , believe I can make
master Lord help me , been crying in the mid night hour
if I can only hear from heaven, Lord
Until my change come